Dear Dating Diary,
Let me introduce, Scary Dave. Not technically a date (in my mind) but still noteworthy.
The day started out much like any other Friday, last day of the working week, relief, let's kick start this weekend. Lovely. I arranged to meet a friend at a bar after work, a casual sort of affair. By the time i got there, several people my friend knew had arrived and were getting drinks in. I joined, introduced myself and went about the obligatory preliminary banter. Nothing unusual, all very standard with a side of salted chips. One by one, people start leaving for one reason or another, and eventually my friend had to pop off as well, leaving me and a guy called Dave.
Dave was pleasant enough, not in anyway physically attractive to me i must add, but still a generally nice guy. Since we both still had drinks, i agreed to stay and carry on our most exciting of conversations about rocks. I'm not even trying to be funny, we were in fact talking about rocks and a variety of other equally fun topics. His amazing rooftop view from his apartment included. I actually kind of like rocks of the geological variety... closet geek. Rocks rock my socks. Anyhoo, we finish our drinks, it's still early so he asks if i want to take a stroll around the area since i was pretty new to it. He'd show me a few cool places etc. I had no reason to suspect this as anything other than a generous offer and away we went...
As we wandered he enlightened me with his knowledge and opinions of the area. All very nice, until we ended up outside his apartment... he made an excuse about needing to get a book he'd borrowed or something of that ilk. Again, i honestly had no reason to suspect any different, it's not like we'd walked out of our way to get there. He invited me up to wait, meant i could get a gander at that rooftop he'd been bashing on about.
There i stood at the balcony edge, admiring the view, which was indeed very nice. I hear him approach from behind and suddenly, hands appear on the wall either side of me. He had me trapped like a gazelle! I felt his hot breath on my neck, everything inside me went rigid and i started to feel all kinds of clammy. I tried to shimmy to the side like i hadn't noticed, instead of retracting his hands, he just moved them to my waist, span me around and went in for the kiss. BAM. I dodge his misplaced lips and sloth grip like a god damn ninja. I made it explicitly clear that i was NOT interested and hot tailed it to the door. That's as far as i got before once again, he had a hold of my arm. I turned to see tears welling up in his eyes and through quivering lips he uttered 'I'm sorry, please don't go. I really like you. Can we talk about things. I want you to stay, we can figure something out, i think this could be the start of something'.
Just to recap, i'd known this guy approximately 3 hours by this point.
I repeated that i just wasn't interested and made my excuses to head home. Again and again he tried to convince me to stay, even as i'm edging down the stairwell and onto the street. Finally i'm out, i tell him to calm down and go inside, which he does. He wipes his face and disappears back up the stairs like a sulking puppy. Thank fuck that is over!
Walking home I notice a text I've missed from Twat Features that he must have sent among the earlier commotion. 'What you up to?' I hadn't replied of course. Just then he sends another 'i bet you're with another guy'...FML i really don't need this right now. You want me, you don't, you wan't me, you don't!!?? Fact of the matter was, yes, i was indeed with another guy, but i couldn't have wanted to be further away from him. Luckily i'd made my escape, everything was peachy again until...
SCARY DAVE COMES RUNNING DOWN THE DAMN STREET LIKE AN EMOTIONAL WRECK SCREAMING MY NAME!!!
Flabbergasted at this guys determination to humiliate himself i stood there stunned. Embarrassed. Please just stop this now! The street was hardly quiet, and needless to say, people were staring at the drama bomb that was exploding before them. Again, he started regurgitating emotional diarrhea. It was a hot mess and i didn't want to be apart of it. This time i wasn't so calm, i lost my shit, found it again, and forcibly rammed it down his throat before walking away... and that's how it ended. How to break a man in 3 hours, complete. Please proceed to next level.
